Taking Responsibility For The Consequences
We have all met people who raise high expectations. They promise something and then don’t show up. You see it in couples when one of the two disappears and the other doesn’t know what to think. It is difficult for these people to bear the consequences. You also see it in business and at work. You agree to invest your time in something and the other person does not respect the agreement.
Some people run away from the consequences of their actions and avoid responsibility. That’s their style. They create a conflict and then leave. When the time comes later to share the responsibility, they are hard to find. This is also how criminals work. They want the benefits but they don’t want to pay the price for the risk they take.
This kind of behavior is harmful to the people who undergo it. It’s deeply disturbing. Because it can take you a lot of time trying to unravel the puzzle of why someone acts that way. You may end up mistrusting everyone and blaming yourself. Fortunately, it’s in our hands not to let this happen again.
Running away from the consequences has to do with shame and cynicism
The people who do not dare to confront the consequences know or have the feeling that they have done something wrong. Moreover, they know to a certain extent that the end does not justify the means. In other words, the reasons why they acted in a negative way are not valid. Because they lack weight, logic, honesty and consideration for others. They are aware that their actions and motive were negative.
They consciously act against all ethics and values. At the same time, there is an ambiguity: because they are not willing to admit to others that their behavior is unacceptable. They don’t want to say they made a mistake. Their attitude is one of shyness.
But this attitude also indicates a lack of shame. Avoiding the consequences is one way to fix something by ignoring the other person and not giving them the attention they deserve. People who behave in this way make the other person feel that they are not interested in repairing the damage. They show a certain contempt for the other person (“it’s not so bad after all”). They want the victim to bear the consequences and accept that there is nothing he can do about it. From this point of view, avoiding the consequences is also a form of cynicism. They are aware of their bad behavior. Still, they leave it as much as possible to the victim to solve the problem.
The inability to take responsibility
Avoiding the consequences is a clear sign of a lack of responsibility. Societies are built on implicit and explicit collective agreements. Laws, religion and ideology are some of the ways in which the importance of these agreements is communicated. They are necessary to live together in a group. We get benefits from others and have to give something back in return. This is the basic agreement.
Responsibility literally means being able to answer. It is something we begin to learn in our very first years of life. It means being aware of the commitments and obligations you have towards other people. Some people manage to learn that responsibility is a personal and autonomous choice. No one has to look over your shoulder to make sure you keep your promises. You are not dependent on others to reward or punish you. On the contrary, you rely on your own conscience.
Avoiding the consequences means avoiding the obligation to be responsible for your actions. This attitude breaks promises and thus clearly breaks trust as well. This kind of behavior also indicates a lack of autonomy. People who prefer to hide are prisoners of the punishment-and-reward system. They act just like they did when they were kids and hide when they do something wrong.
How to deal with people who don’t take responsibility?
A person who does not want to take responsibility for his actions will end up causing a lot of harm to other people. It can be very painful when someone hurts you and doesn’t apologize. It can give you an incredible feeling of helplessness. If we can compare it to anything, it’s like emotional cheating.
This kind of behavior is also a form of manipulation. Leaving someone else to resolve a situation creates yet another inconvenience. The absence of the person who does not want to bear the consequences actually creates a bond with the situation and maintains it. The conflict remains unresolved and drags on. The negative feelings that result will also last.
When you’re left alone with the responsibility of closing a situation involving two or more people, you have no choice but to take on the challenge. It is best to get rid of the fantasy that you will be able to make the other person come back and take responsibility. This fantasy is part of the net of manipulation. Let the person who doesn’t want to suffer the consequences go. Solve what you can and turn the page. That’s the smartest thing you can do.
