Two Ways To Be Kind To Yourself

Many of the problems we face have the same origin: a lack of self-love. Thanks to the external social pressures we feel every day, the demands we place on ourselves and the feeling of insecurity, we can become too hard on ourselves. If you want to feel better, you have to be kind to yourself first.

The concept of self-compassion can be traced back to Buddhism. Loving yourself means  adopting the tone and generosity that you would show a close friend, rather than all the self-criticism that doesn’t help you. If we pay close attention, we talk to ourselves as if we were our own worst enemy.

According to studies done on this topic, being  kind to yourself requires the following three skills:

• Self-love: This means that you are able to understand and love yourself. For example, showing self-love means forgiving yourself when you do something wrong, rather than continuing to feel guilty.
• A shared sense of humanity: This element is actually hidden behind a very basic attitude. It means that you know that no one is perfect, and that we can all make mistakes. As a result, we understand that we are not better or worse than others.
• Mindfulness: The ability to live in the present helps us put our problems into perspective. In addition, we become calmer and more patient with ourselves.

How can you learn to be kind to yourself?

Now that you know what self-love is all about, you may be wondering how to be kind to yourself. This is not something we have in us from birth. You may be genetically predisposed to it, but no more than that. That’s why you have to put in a lot of effort to learn to be kind to yourself. You have to work hard for it.

In this case, researchers have found that  one of the best strategies for developing self-love is to ask yourself the right questions. Asking yourself certain questions can change your perspective and your behavior. This is important when dealing with others, and even more important when it comes to yourself. You will also learn the two most powerful questions you can ask yourself to show self-love.

1. What do I need to be okay?

This question may seem very simple, but most of us don’t ask ourselves this often. In general  , we worry so much about what we should be doing that we forget about our own wishes.

One of the distorted ideas that contribute to this is  our association of selfishness with something negative. When someone wants to work on their own happiness, they are often looked at strangely. Shouldn’t we sacrifice ourselves for others? According to Aristotle, it is not at all selfish to take time for yourself. It is even necessary.

To help others, we must first have something to give. Think about it. Who does more good? Someone who is unhappy because she is not taking care of herself? Or the opposite,  someone who feels good about themselves because they know how to be kind to themselves?

2. How would I treat a loved one in the same situation?

We often become our own worst enemy. No one judges us as harshly as ourselves, or asks so much of us. This  can lead to self-confidence issues. It is impossible to make ourselves perfect. Imagine that you just had a fight with your partner and they blame you for everything. In that situation, we say things like:

• Why am I always the one who does everything wrong?
• How could I be so insensitive?
• I’ll be lonely again, as always.

The next time you get caught up in this cycle of irrational thoughts, imagine telling them to someone else, someone you care about. How would that person feel then? Would you really help them?

If the answer is no,  why are you treating yourself like this, or worse? You have to learn to be kind to yourself.

Conclusion

Treating yourself with compassion is a difficult skill to develop. While being hard on ourselves can lead to change, it also leads to a lot of pain. Therefore, you must learn to be kind to yourself.

What’s the next step? Now that you know the two questions,  ask yourself them the next time you judge yourself harshly.  Although it may seem strange at first, little by little you will see that being kind to yourself starts to feel more natural.