In This House We Make Noise, We Say ‘sorry’, And We Hug Each Other

In this house we make noise, we say ‘sorry’, we give each other a hug, and a second chance. Because forming a family together means that we allow ourselves to be surrounded by the improvised music of life, and adjust our daily dance accordingly. A family is characterized by mutual respect and by a sensitive sensitivity to the needs of all family members.

No household is identical, because unique, and can therefore never be lumped together. Each family structure is based on a specific interaction dynamic, and idiosyncratic communication codes. Although such social interaction patterns, ingrained and evolved by daily contact, do not always guarantee everyone’s happiness – after all, it remains a wonderfully complex and delicate matter: living together.

I have discovered, and experienced again and again, that before you can change the world, you must first get to know your own hearth and home. And in mine, we’re all real, vulnerable, flesh-and-blood people. We all make mistakes, from time to time, and without exception are willing to forgive one another. Perhaps because we are (so) imperfect, we have so much fun together. We hug each other, and sometimes make a lot of noise.

You know those cupboards of houses, which are not only filled to the brim with all kinds of luxuries, but which are also full of solitude, where the air is heavy, pregnant with gloomy melancholy? On the other hand, there are also small, modest homes that, from top to bottom, radiate with joy. Those who celebrate wealth as caring human-to-human reciprocity, and who are masters at making difficult tasks and challenges manageable and manageable. After all, at the end of the day, true opulence lies precisely therein: in relationships, in being united, heart to heart, hand in hand, side by side, realizing that what is most valuable is not our possessions, but our very much alive. , dear loved ones.

We invite you to reflect on this. How is that in your existence?

The Psychology and Social Anatomy of the Household

A (t)house is a miniature model of the universe. And a reflection of society as a whole, with the family as the focal point of this human-centric magnifying glass. What happens between these four (or more) walls is an extremely complicated combination, or cocktail, in which the norms, values, behavior, and emotions of each family member have a large and very specific impact on the other family members.

Experts in environmental psychology argue that all anthropological environments, without exception, are made up of the following three basic and essential elements – which we can therefore also recognize and recognize in every household.

• The material aspect. These are the physical objects (furniture, stuff, etc.), the layout, and the appearance of the interior, which visually and emotionally set the tone in a house. Within the philosophical-aesthetic Feng Shui movement people are well aware of this: that a harmonious spatial design has an eminent influence on our mood and (subtle) emotions.
• The personal aspect. This is determined by the interaction dynamics between the residents, the people who share the relevant space(s), by their habits, and the way in which they form a bond and resolve conflicts with each other.
• The mental aspect . This is without a doubt the hub, and the most relevant wheel of family processes. This is the domain of (implicit) existential paradigms, (religious) beliefs, moral boundaries and ideals, identity, and of the social conditions that each family member wants and wishes the others to honor.

A house is therefore an enclosed social space in which all ‘residents’ spread their invisible wings of influence (carefully), in the respective nest compartments (for example, their own room , versus the shared rooms of kitchen, bathroom, toilet, and living room). . In this literally homely family atmosphere, in principle, and potentially, everyone can function to the fullest, and feel completely at ease. At the same time, unfortunately, it can also be the place where the most harrowing, most hidden misery drives people mad from within. That depends entirely on the mental health of the family members, and their ability to integrate with each other.

We would like to explain here how the most enriching, most commendable house, and home, is built. Where live music fills all rooms, and the life song – despite the occasional high or low note – never falls out of tune, never forgets its chorus, and always sounds beautiful and harmonious.

An emotionally wise home

According to an interesting study cited by Elaine Hatfield in her book “Emotional Contagion,” a home is not just where emotions are most contagious. This emotional conscience also acts as an inner compass, allowing you to grow as a family, be able to meet each other’s needs, soothe fears, and create a unity where no one is left out.

We are well aware that building a home is not an easy task. After all, it is not just a technical matter of building four walls and installing a roof. No, it looks more like a delicate, handmade, magically colored quilt collage. Every piece of fabric is unique, and together they form a beautiful rag collection, a beautiful blanket.

Now let’s zoom in on the artisanal attributes of emotionally wise homes.

The qualities of an enriching family

An emotionally wise and enriching family knows, first of all, that it is not about being together as much and as often as possible, in the same space. There is – consciously or unconsciously – no control over the family members to take their place in the pecking order, their corner of the nest. In that suffocating bubble where growth and freedom are banned and banned.

• In a wise home it is not the most important thing to be together (in the same room), as long as there is authentic intimacy, between the family members. That is essential.

• An enriching family ‘infects’ each other with positive emotions, through looks and facial expressions that are seen, understood, and appreciated wordlessly. Poisoning, blackmail and destructive “all-or-nothing” attitudes, they spare each other. Like bickering: “Just because I said so…”, “If you do that, you don’t love me…” and so on, you hardly hear it there.
• A happy and intelligent home shines in the light of open windows, and empathetic hearts. Voices that are allowed to express themselves freely, without fear or oppression, as soft or loud as necessary, echo in their air through the hall, reaching everyone’s ear.
• Mutual differences are accepted – in healthy homes. There are no sanctions for dissenting opinions or insights. All family members are given the personal space and respect to develop. In addition, they unanimously reserve a number of rooms for communal interaction, where they celebrate their valuable mutual bond and enjoy spending time together.

Our home and home is, in the picture-perfect picture, the place where we live with our favorite fellow human beings. The people we call, or regard as family, because, together with us, from the heart, they have managed to create a pleasant homely atmosphere, based on pure mutual affection. At the end of the day, it is these special people with whom you share a smile and a tear, with whom you open your heart, find a listening ear, receive a pat on the back, and support in the back. They make life worth living.