The Importance Of Coherence In What You Say And Do

Coherence is when people try their best to be consistent at all times. One of humanity’s primary needs is to ensure that there is agreement in what they say and do, and between what they have learned and what immediate circumstances require. However, people are not always consistent, which can cause discomfort.

Carl Rogers, a celebrated humanistic psychologist, was one of the first to delve into the principle of coherence. In 1950 he defined it as an alliance between experience and consciousness.

At a basic level, it is the result of every lived experience and what you have learned from it. This allows you to act in a consistent manner regarding your values, feelings, and desires.

Rogers was not in vain to delve deeper into this subject. One thing many therapists witness is incoherence. In other words, the clear difference between what you need and what you do for yourself.

Many people seek help because they feel they are too far removed from their ‘ideal selves’. Their reality has lost meaning because they can see a clear difference between what they want and what they do, and also between what they feel and what they receive.

If you are not coherent, there will be unrest and suffering. This is an unfortunately common reality worth investigating.

Coherence can sometimes be the cause of problems

Writer and psychologist Robert B. Cialdini of the University of Arizona has done extensive research on coherence. One of his best-known books is Pre-Suasion: A Revolutionary Method to Influence and Persuade . In this book, he elaborated on this theory to give readers a new and interesting focus.

The nuance that Dr. Cialdini introduces is this: sometimes, trying to be coherent, you find yourself in conflicting situations that become problematic. For example, if you define yourself as an ecologist and you are committed to caring for the environment, then continuing to use energy sources that pollute is not coherent.

Many people are subject to social sanctions for defending certain situations but not being coherent with others. This gets even more complicated if you want to inspire others. If your desire is to get through to others through your values ​​and behavior, this can be problematic. What can you do in these situations? Aren’t you as coherent as you thought?

The concept of coherence with a bit of dissonance

There are times when you just can’t be 100% coherent. You probably don’t like the discussions and discrepancies that arise when you deal with it. For example, it is possible to defend political ideas and have a partner who defends the other side. Or it is possible that you love children, but have decided not to have them.

As for these apparent inconsistencies, there are certain facts to remember:

• You can be truly coherent, even in the face of apparent day-to-day mismatches. Ultimately, as Carl Rogers points out, the idea of ​​coherence is the conscience of each individual.
• For example, if you don’t experience any dissonance and your perception is still one of agreement between what you say and do, then there is no problem. Ultimately, the environment is incredibly complex. This means dealing with every stimulus, person, circumstance, and unexpected experience as best you can.
• An internal balance is always the most essential aspect of coherence. There will always be situations that threaten your principles. There are those that you react to with conviction to defend your coherence. Other times you have to make small concessions because the benefits are important and you want to maintain homeostasis. For example, think of having a partner with different ideas but with whom you are happy.

Be coherent under pressure: it’s a matter of courage

You know that sometimes your thoughts and behavior will not align. This dissonance can sometimes occur without significant consequences.

The most damaging effects occur when there is constant dissonance. Carl Rogers relates it to his theories about the ‘I’, one of his most important contributions.

• If you are consistently incoherent, you place a great distance between your ideal self and your perceived self.
• That same lack of compliance eventually generates mental strategies that (uselessly) force yourself to find balance. For example, you build up cognitive dissonance, which is internal conflict that arises when you have opposing thoughts. This usually leads you to justify something that goes against your values ​​in order to reduce your own psychological suffering.

• You resort to complex defenses to appease those contradictions. These are completely useless strategies because they simply translate into a higher level of frustration and anxiety.

If you want to ensure your psychological well-being, it is important to do your best to be coherent. Doing this is an act of daily courage.

The healthy practice of being and acting according to your values ​​at all times can be complicated, but it guarantees that your self-esteem remains in good shape.