Why Is It So Important To Learn To Say No?
In life we have to learn to understand others and sometimes adapt to others. We have to be flexible. However, there are people who, for various reasons (such as a lack of self-esteem and the feeling that they are not worthy of love if they do not live up to expectations), admit so much that they lose themselves. Those people need to learn to say no.
While offering a helping hand and being generous to others are positive things and provide you with many benefits, it is also important to remember that you are your number one priority. It’s good to be flexible, but not to go out of your way to please others and put their needs above yours.
What are the consequences if you can’t say no?
If we don’t set boundaries, we have no respect for ourselves. It’s like being invisible to ourselves, giving those around us the right to decide for us. If we don’t learn to say no, our self-esteem can even crumble to the point where we feel lonely and doomed to fail.
Low self esteem
Satisfying others instead of doing what we really want can make us miserable. Basically, we feel worthless, like we’re good for nothing. Little by little, our self-esteem becomes more and more vulnerable.
Loneliness
When we always do everything for others, we tend to ignore our true desires. Our focus is on pleasing those around us, not meeting our own needs, which leads to a deep sense of inner loneliness.
We begin to think that no one loves us for who we are, but for what we can do for them. If so, the truth is that our behavior is what fuels those thoughts. Think about this: how will other people get to know your true self if you’re just trying to meet their needs?
To fail
Pleasing other people comes at a price: we put aside our own desires and aspirations. This makes us feel like failures because of what we could have been but failed to do. That’s why it’s so important to know our value and set limits on our flexibility.
How can we learn to say no?
When we learn to say no, we begin to set boundaries, take care of ourselves more, and give ourselves the value we deserve. While it may be difficult at first, don’t miss an opportunity to express your true feelings. The following keys can help you with that.
Stop being afraid of criticism
No one will agree with everything you say or do. If you keep this in mind, you will no longer worry about whether you are accepted by everyone around you or not. This will make you feel freer. Face the fear of criticism and just be yourself. People have their own opinion and it should not affect your life.
Visualize yourself in different situations
If you know it’s hard for you to say no, visualize yourself in a situation where you have no choice but to do so. If you know someone is going to ask you for something, try to imagine your future response.
You will feel much more relaxed if you keep your possible answer in mind. However, it’s important to realize that things don’t always go the way we planned, so just be prepared to be honest.
Don’t always be accountable
You don’t have to justify yourself if you say no. When you learn to say no, you begin to realize that the most important thing is to be honest and respectful with others. You can simply say that you just don’t feel like it. This is more than enough.
It is not uncommon for us to feel overwhelmed by our thoughts from time to time. For example:
- “What should I say.”
- “What will be my excuse.”
- “I can’t just say ‘no’.”
Our minds run wild and we start thinking too much about what could happen, leaving us feeling anxious. You don’t really have to think about it that long.
It is true that sometimes you have to explain why you say no. The important thing, though, is that you don’t feel bad about it. The only thing you get from thinking too much about it is that you become anxious.
Start loving yourself
If we just want to please people, we get used to doing things we wouldn’t even do for ourselves. Learn to love yourself and you will learn to say no.
Start doing things you enjoy instead of trying your best to make others happy. Why take such good care of others if you don’t even feel good about yourself?
Don’t show that you are always available
If you seem like you’re always available, people will take advantage of you. Don’t be afraid to turn down proposals you don’t like or just say you’re busy right now.
Another way to get out of things is by not paying attention to other people’s demands. You don’t have to say anything about it. Remember that silence is also a way to communicate. Sooner or later they will realize that you are not always there to please them.
Love yourself: you don’t need permission from others.
Keep in mind that it’s impossible for everyone to like you. Once you realize this, you will feel more relieved and you will no longer care about the opinions of others.
There is a popular quote from Christian Nestell Bovee that says, “ Our first and last love is self-love. ” Do not forget it! You are the most important person in your own life and if you don’t take care of yourself, no one else will.
