Learn To Be Your Own Ally
While it may seem crazy, many people act like their own worst enemies. They have a very hostile conscience. Their inner dialogue is violent and inconsiderate. But it doesn’t have to be that way: you can learn to be your own ally.
People with such an inner dialogue have often grown up in a very strict environment, where guilt played a major role. Instead of being educated, they were broken, with punishment, with criticism. Some parents consider completely submissive children their greatest achievement. Schools too.
What happens then is that these people internalize the punishment and criticism. They learn to see themselves as someone who is always wrong. Like they never do anything right. As if everything they think or feel is unacceptable. If this is you, then it’s time to learn how to be your own ally, your own friend.
Sleeping with the enemy…
Being your own enemy looks different in every person. It usually appears as we described above, namely as a very demanding conscience. A ruthless inner critic. You constantly feel like you are making mistakes. There’s a little voice inside you that always berates you for everything you do.
Sometimes it looks a little more subtle. Or it’s just more indirect. You may act a little weird or insecure in certain situations, see yourself acting that way, and then scold yourself for your insecurity afterwards.
Other times it looks like panic the moment we come face to face with success. When faced with the possibility of success, you are overwhelmed with fear. As a result, you fall into behavior that actually sabotages your success. It’s literally like living with your worst enemy.
Why not be your own ally?
Being your own best ally means seeing yourself and treating yourself with consideration and respect. It also means supporting and motivating yourself, just like you would for a good friend. However, some people find this almost impossible. Why?
This is usually because they have misconceptions about what kind of relationship they should have with themselves. For example, they think that they should be strict with themselves and that if they are not, it is a sign of weakness, lack of character and mediocrity. They think that mistreating yourself and demanding too much of yourself is a way of growing.
And then there’s the erroneous belief that it’s not right to be your own ally. That it is a sign of selfishness or narcissism. Putting yourself down, on the other hand, seems to show humility. Some see it as something really virtuous.
How can you be a better ally and friend to yourself
In the deepest part of your subconscious there is a very well marked boundary line. In your mind, being your own ally is tantamount to betraying someone you love or fear. Or both. As a result of these erroneous beliefs, you think that this is the beginning of your moral decay.
At this point, we need to make it clear that being kind to yourself is not the same as irresponsible and over-indulging. As we grow up and mature, we all need things. Things to help us grow and achieve our goals. However, there is a world of options between the two extremes of being over-indulgent and berating yourself.
Being your own ally means having a good attitude towards yourself. It means accepting yourself and respecting yourself. Understanding that neither you nor anyone else in the world is exempt from making mistakes.
In fact, mistakes almost always allow us to move forward, learn and gain experience. Harsh criticism of ourselves is a childish way of coming to terms with our mistakes. It hurts us in exchange for nothing good.
If we can’t count on ourselves, how can we count on anyone else? To walk the difficult road of life, we need allies. And the first thing to do is become your own ally. Learn to appreciate who you are and what you do. Learn to forgive yourself daily for being as human as everyone else. Life is so much better when you love yourself.
