Accepting Is Not The Same As Modifying

Often we tend to suffer excessively in situations that are beyond our control. And sometimes we have it even harder because we refuse to  accept what happened than because of the negative event itself.

It is true that emotions are completely necessary and it is not advisable to suppress them. Grief is our way of recovering and letting others know that we are not well. Fear is there to protect us from certain risks and dangers. Disgust keeps us from getting diseases.

Emotions, when we can adapt them to the situation that arises, are very necessary and they help us survive. The problems arise when the emotion stops serving its purpose and turns against us. It’s as if we let ourselves trip and our emotions become our worst enemy.

Whether we feel good or bad is determined by how we focus on the events that are occurring. As Buddha said, “Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional.” You can decide how and how much you want to suffer. And in order to do this, you must at least understand that the world is full of uncertainties and there are few things we can control.  This is simply part of the game.

Are we conformists?

Not at all. As the title of this article says, accepting is not the same as adapting. Many people think that if they don’t whine enough, if they don’t cry and scream and get mad at the world when something goes wrong, that means they’re adapting, which would be a sign of weakness. And actually it’s the other way around.

It shows weakness when we waste our energy and valuable time on something we can’t control, on something we can’t change. I continue to maintain that emotions do matter, but only to a certain extent. Beyond this point they just become useless.

Having wishes, goals, projects and dreams is essential and extremely important to be happy and discover the meaning of life. We shouldn’t adapt to something we don’t like. We should try to change it. In the same way, we should pursue that which we truly value. We have to find it and enjoy it.

Adjusting yourself is therefore not what I mean. If you want something, go after it and don’t forget to enjoy yourself in the meantime, but it’s important to understand that sometimes things can go wrong and sometimes we just can’t control it no matter how hard we fight for something. And this is where acceptance becomes important.

Life isn’t perfect

Big deal! It’s not perfect, never has been and never will be. This is what we have to accept. Acceptance means understanding that sometimes things will be in your favor and sometimes not. And that’s normal, it’s part of it. It doesn’t matter, because if everything were perfect, we could never feel so much appreciation for those times when something is really nice.

To enjoy victories, you must experience failures. It is therefore extremely important to say to yourself: “I try to make everything go well and I will do my best for this, but if it doesn’t go well, then that’s a shame. There are things I can’t do anything about and I’m not going to worry about them any more than I need to. I’ll get another chance.”

It is not enough to simply repeat it. You really have to believe it, because it is the reality. You will encounter thousands of obstacles in your path and you better accept this as soon as possible. This will save you a lot of unnecessary suffering.

Learning to accept…

The world isn’t always how you want it to be. It doesn’t matter how angry, sad or anxious you get about this. Things are simply not always how you want them to be. If you accept this, you will be much calmer and relaxed emotionally  and you will be able to view the situation much more clearly. This way you prevent your emotions from taking over and clouding your vision.

People don’t behave according to your expectations.  Everyone is an individual with their own mentality who can do whatever they want. Don’t expect anything from others. Don’t wait for anything from them. Be surprised by people and enjoy what they do for you and what they can offer you.

People make mistakes and so do you.  Try to make up for your mistakes and try to let others do the same. Don’t judge others when they fail and don’t judge yourself either, because making mistakes is part of it. And mistakes make us learn and move forward.

Accepting means realizing that everything is fine the way it is and that what needs to be done will simply happen.  We should always give ourselves enough room to change and act to improve a situation with a serene and loving attitude that is focused on the future.