Dealing With Toxic People Intelligently

Each of us can change as individuals. We can make an effort to improve those sides of ourselves that we don’t love. But we can also change other parts. This is something we should not forget when dealing with toxic people. Dealing with toxic people can be done in basically two ways: you can avoid these people or confront them.

Many people prefer to run away from toxic people. But really, we have no choice but to deal with them. So the best we can do is look for an intelligent way to handle this. Because toxic people always find a way to spread their negativity. They want to infect others with it, create a bad atmosphere and destroy the moment.

Toxic people challenge the logic of personal relationships. Some are even happy when they can affect others in a negative way. Usually they do this unconsciously. Other people find pleasure in angering people. However you look at it, toxic people complicate things even when they don’t have to. They cause conflict and stress.

Dealing With Toxic People Using Your Emotional Intelligence

For some time now, studies have shown that stress has a negative and irreversible effect on the brain. Even if it only lasts a few days, stress affects the efficient functioning of the neurons in the hippocampus. This important area of ​​the brain is responsible for reason and memory. If stress lasts for several weeks, it damages the neuronal dendrites (the brain cells use these little ‘arms’ to communicate with each other). Stress can even permanently destroy the neurons when it takes several months.

The Department of Biological and Clinical Psychology at Friedrich Schiller University in Germany recently conducted a study. They found that exposure to stimuli that trigger strong negative emotions — the same kind that occurs when dealing with toxic people — causes a person’s brain to have a violent stress response.

Negativity, cruelty, playing the victim are some of the strategies toxic people use. But they always provoke a state of stress in the brains of others. To make this disappear, an intelligent emotional approach is needed.

When confronted with toxic behavior, intelligent action is required. The key to this is developing the ability to direct your feelings and stay calm under pressure. In fact, one of the important qualities of people who know how to deal with stress is their ability to neutralize the effects of toxic people.

Ignore the toxic people who demand your attention

Toxic people don’t wear a badge so we can recognize them. But we all know which people in our environment are sources of conflict and discomfort. We know the damage they can cause. Plus, we know where they’re attacking us. You know who is looking for you. And you also know that they will find you. When they find you there, in that place, you know you’re lost.

If for some reason you can’t avoid that toxic person, try not to fall into his trap. Ignore him. You know he or she will try to get your attention. He or she will try to provoke you. Don’t let this happen. Avoid getting involved in this. Don’t let him find you. You don’t have to accept that he is trying to upset you with his interruptions, actions, or comments. Be benevolent. Be patient. Give him as little attention as possible. Bite your tongue if necessary so that its venom does not touch you. Be assertive when it comes time to set boundaries.

Don’t take over the toxic behavior: avoid the contamination

The main characteristic of poisonous things is that they are contagious. The same thing happens with toxic people. Their attitude is contagious. If you reciprocate their attitude with toxic behavior, you have already lost the battle. But even if that toxic person has managed to tap into your “guilt,” all is not lost. It is also possible to remain calm, even when confronted with their worst poison: the guilt inoculation.

But just because it’s possible doesn’t mean it’s easy. Ignoring that a toxic person is asking for your attention is hard. It’s a strategy toxic people use very often: they make fun of their victim in public. They do that because they don’t get a direct confrontation (if they haven’t gone down that road from the start). Therefore, in a situation like this, it is essential that you keep your emotions under control.

On the other hand, awareness is needed to maintain emotional distance. Because you can’t always prevent someone from pissing you off. When this happens, you will have to overcome your fears and insecurities and move on. In some ways it is better to ignore what is happening. Because then it is easier to control your feelings. But there is another option: setting boundaries.

Set your boundaries and defend them

You should know that an attack by a toxic person does not undermine your dignity. In fact, your dignity can be attacked and ridiculed. But you can never lose it unless you give it up of your own free will. You don’t have to participate in the discussions that a toxic person has. But you have to set clear boundaries.

They don’t insult the people they WANT to insult, but the people they CAN insult. If you put yourself on the defensive, you show that you can be insulted. When you set boundaries, you make it clear that he or she cannot attack you.

When dealing with a toxic person, reason and explanations are worthless. But it is important to be very clear, wise, but firm. Make it very clear that you have the authority over the decisions that are your right and responsibility.

Also keep in mind that you need to set a boundary in a conscious and proactive way. If you let things just happen, you will constantly get caught up in difficult conversations. When you set boundaries, you will be able to control most of the chaos a toxic person causes.

Practice Practical Compassion

When dealing with a toxic person, we can go on the attack or on the defense. We can also just ignore it. But it is not always necessary to do any of these things. In fact, sometimes it makes sense to be kind to toxic people. Because they may be going through a difficult period in their lives. They may not be able to handle an emotional situation.

Unfortunately, toxic behavior is often a way to handle a difficult personal situation. But it is certainly not fair that they drag others into their pain. Making others feel bad will not bring them relief. Yet the toxic behavior that comes your way is not always ill-intentioned or out of anger or resentment.

That doesn’t mean you have to let it happen or accept it. After all, we all have our own problems and demons. When faced with these kinds of situations, act with compassion and forgiveness. It is important that you set boundaries and that you of course do not play their game. But don’t worry too much about the other person’s attitude. Ultimately, it is no more than a reflection of his painful and turbulent inner life.