Feeling Guilty About Breaking Up

Many people find it logical that breaking up is usually accompanied by guilt. When they are the ones who make the choice to tie the knot and set both free. You may have experienced this situation. You may have doubted at first whether you really should take the step, but in the end… you went ahead with it. Knowing that you were even going to call yourself the hangman of the relationship, the one who shortened her lifespan. The life of so many promises, so many dreams, so many hopes…

You may have felt afterwards that you were responsible for your ex’s pain, for his grief… and even that you were responsible for his future! Perhaps that guilt made you take a step back and go back to him. And then two forward and apart again. And then back three to get back together. Which got you into a vicious cycle of self-destruction in which you became even more bitter than you were in your previous life in the relationship. “He will feel terrible. I hurt him so much… I was everything to him.’ “And… what if I made a mistake?”

Do these phrases sound familiar to you? However, the truth is that the person who leaves is often full of prejudices and a kind of ‘hatred’, which in most cases do not even correspond to reality. Instead, his thoughts are based on preconceived ideas about this particular topic. This only increases the guilt feeling. It also encourages that inner voice, which drowns out his reasons for ending the relationship.

Guilt about breaking up creates boundaries and doesn’t allow us to move on

“You’ll be the bad guy when you leave. Wait a minute. Maybe you just have to accept that you can’t be happy all the time. Stay with him, for he will suffer greatly if you leave.’ This is often the ongoing inner monologue of someone contemplating ending a relationship.

The fear of hurting others. The unhealthy and unwarranted feeling that we are the ones responsible for their well-being leads us to stay in a relationship that doesn’t work, sometimes even forever. It puts us in a state where we are constantly on ‘stand by’. A state in which we don’t go through with what we want to do for fear of hurting the other person. That’s how time passes. That’s how your life can pass you by.

This sense of guilt goes far beyond cultures. Based on a wrong thought process, we feel responsible for another person’s life. For his pain and his joy. On the other hand, if we are the ones who get dumped, we tend to attribute our pain to the person who left us. Our accident seems to be his fault. Because the person we love tells us that he no longer wants to be with us.

The one who leaves cannot bear the pain of the other

It’s one thing if the pain comes as a result of a breakup, and quite another if we are responsible for our ex’s pain through the breakup. Life is full of joy and pain, uncertainty and certainty. It’s love on the one hand and heartbreak on the other.

We must not allow anyone to make us responsible for their existence. If we do, we won’t be able to take action ever again. We would never be able to make a decision as it would always have consequences for those around us. We would always live in a state of stagnation for fear of damaging the fragile balance that has emerged.

In this way we cease to be authentic. We stop chasing our goals. In the end, we put our lives aside. Let the brave souls live their lives!

Life has its consequences

Indeed, as a result of the guilt that limits us, we often return. We try to mend that broken relationship in a simple way to avoid guilt, without believing that the relationship will work. We put life aside, for it is enjoyed by those who have enough courage and mental strength to take action and live with the consequences of their decisions.

We must not allow others to impose their lives on us. Nor can we let them do this voluntarily. It is a sacrifice that bears no fruit.

It prevents experiences…experiences necessary to grow, to learn, to mature, to become mentally richer. All our experiences give quality to our growth. Suffering is part of life and no one can take anything from us that is part of our life. Especially not because of a limiting guilt that is based on a completely wrong train of thought.

So, don’t let guilt force you to stay if that’s not what you want. The other person in the relationship also deserves that you deal with them authentically and honestly.