How Does A Child Survive In A Dysfunctional Family?

Growing up in a dysfunctional family can cause injuries that have serious consequences for later life. But these types of families are much more common than we think. Emotional manipulation, humiliating behavior, lack of empathy or sensitivity, communication difficulties, and dependence are all signs of a dysfunctional family.

When children grow up in a home like this, they have to adapt to survive. They do this to protect themselves from an environment that is anything but ideal. In addition, they perceive dysfunctional patterns of behavior, which they are likely to imitate when they reach adulthood.

Five types of roles

We’ve said it before, dysfunctional families are common. So it is also quite normal that children have to learn to take on different roles. These roles give them the ability to either protect themselves or submit to the things that happen around them. There are five types of roles that children can play. The choice will depend on the child’s personality and the type of dysfunctional family in which he or she grows up.

The roles children take

The rebellious child – a child with behavioral problems who rebels against any form of authority. This child probably grew up in a home where the parents were divorced or where there was evidence of abuse.

The guilty one – a child who has always been blamed and who continues to carry the guilt. This child has a negative self-image and was never appreciated by the parents.

The little adult – this child has taken on the role of his parents. These children are mature at an early age. They also do not have a normal childhood. In general, the parents are emotionally immature and unable to take responsibility for their lives.

The Non-Valuable Child – a child whose needs are ignored and who has learned to suppress their emotions. As a result, these children are usually shy and quiet. Their parents don’t really pay much attention to them as they are probably busy with their relationship problems. These children believe that they are not worthy of being liked.

The manipulator – this child learns that without manipulation it will not get what it wants. These children most likely have parents who do not know how to set boundaries and who are also not very interested in the children. They’d rather give them a computer game or some candy just so they can be left alone.

Growing up in a dysfunctional family

Parents often say that they have difficult or rebellious children who drive them crazy. But what they don’t realize is that the children’s behavior is only asking for affection, attention and appreciation.

Perhaps some of us can identify with some of the roles. Perhaps we unconsciously included them when we were very young and didn’t understand life or relationships. Each role evolves according to the way the family behaves around us and how the members make us feel.

In a dysfunctional family, the parents often point the finger at the youngest children. They find them problematic. In addition, they complain that the children are selfish. But the truth is that the problem always starts with the parents. Because these adults have not learned, or have not been taught, how to interact with others in a healthy way.

The children begin to learn dysfunctional patterns of behavior that they will repeat in the not-so-distant future. Let’s look at an example. Suppose a child grows up in a dysfunctional family where there is abuse and dependence. The parents are drowning in their own problems. So the child doesn’t get any attention from them either and even feels guilty. There is a good chance that this child will take on the ‘role’ of the non-valuable child.

Consequences for the future

What kind of relationships can these children have in the future? What awaits them? It is most likely that it will be relationships in which they will suffer. Because they will feel that they have no choice. Even if they end up with someone who is also abusing them, they will likely put up with this bad treatment. Because they have learned that this is a normal way of dealing with people.

And what about their relationships at work or their friendships? Their lack of self-esteem and constant guilt will make them feel responsible for their own failures as well as those of others. So there is a good chance that they will become a perfectionist.

The family is the environment where children grow up. There children learn how to interact with others. If we don’t care if we improve our relationships, solve any communication problems, or set a good example for the youngest members of our family, what are we doing? Then we perpetuate harmful patterns of behavior that will cause great suffering to our children.