I Loved You Until My Self-love Said, ‘it’s Not Worth It’

I loved you until my self-love said it’s not worth it. I let the curtain fall before my eyes. I loosened the chains around my heart. I even took off the heels I was wearing to be your size. Then I saw it. You are not the love of my life. You are not even the love of the day or of the moment. But you’re just someone who made me believe I was nothing when in fact I am everything.

Realizing that “you are not worth it and that I am worth more”  is undoubtedly an act of personal liberation.  It is an act of courage and a reaffirmation of the self-confidence that elevates us. But we must admit that it is not easy to achieve that spiritual and emotional power. However, we do need this. It will empower us to draw the line between self-love and dependence, between dignity and resignation.

We know that the word “self-love” gets a lot of attention.  Because there are many books, manuals and courses on this subject. All of them keep repeating the next sentence almost like a mantra. “No one can maintain a healthy relationship without loving themselves first.” With this in mind and with the right formula, we can apply that mantra in the most appropriate way.

Self – love is not built just through a book or by thinking about it. It is not a passive event. Actually, it’s the exact opposite. Self-love is a state of absolute self-esteem. That appreciation grows through and simultaneously with our actions. It is these acts that build our physical and emotional health. There is a dynamic dimension that usually also experiences highs and lows.

We invite you to think about this.

You weren’t worth it. Yet I gave you my whole universe

According to astronomers, many phenomena are happening in the universe that are very similar to our emotional relationships. We give an example. There is a nebula called Henize 2-428. Viewed through a telescope, she looks fascinating. For she possesses an extraordinary beauty and is curiously mysterious. In reality, the nebula is a union of white dwarfs, two old stars in the last phase of their lives, that are wasting away.

The strange thing about this couple is that they orbit each other every two hours. They form a deadly but incredibly beautiful dance. But sooner or later they will collapse in that dance. We are then not celestial bodies, but we also develop this power play in a certain way. We know that there are kinds of love that are doomed to be much more than a dusty memory. Yet we feed them. We revolve around that unhealthy love. In those gravitational waves where our self-confidence hangs by a thread and is carried by the wind, we keep dancing.

Maybe that love wasn’t worth it. But until we realize our dependence, our eyes will not open. That is why we must keep this in mind. No universe can just crush our individuality, our self-love, our unique exceptional light.

The recipe for self love

Let’s try to visualize self-love in a concrete way. Imagine self-love as our own skeleton. It supports us, gives us strength and resistance. Our skeleton ensures that we move in a harmonious and proper way through everyday life. If that skeleton breaks a femur or a tibia, we’ll need crutches or a wheelchair. We become dependent.

This personal dimension requires exceptional, vital support. Yet we know that it has highs and lows from time to time. We will experience wear and tear and the accompanying pain. So it’s worth keeping in mind the ingredients that make up this recipe and keeping the skeleton in ‘good condition.

Pillars to strengthen your self-love

The first pillar is undoubtedly personal cohesion. This is another term that many defend and few use, because above all it takes courage. By the term coherence we mean the need to maintain a connection between what we feel and what we do, between what we think and what we express. 

Sometimes it is better to give more importance to what you need than to what you want. We give an example. Perhaps you recently broke up with your relationship. The loneliness and bitterness make you sink into despair. What you urgently need is someone who can fill that void. So what do you think… is this really what you need right now?

Setting boundaries is healthy. We often use a strange term, ‘frenemies’. This term refers to those people around us who pretend to be our friends. In reality they are harmful and therefore our enemies. Breaking these connections and interactions is extremely necessary.

Live consciously; do not accept mediocre things or crumbs. Self-love takes determination. Half-hearted love isn’t worth it. Neither the laughter by day nor the tears by night make this kind of love valuable. The same goes for conditional love. “I love you on these terms.”

Conscious living is understanding that we have to make decisions if we want to be happy. We must not continue to orbit irregularly around a celestial body and sooner or later collapse and disappear. Let’s learn to shine and be our own light. We have a strong voice and a brave, dignified heart so that we can attract the one person we truly deserve.