Psychological Manipulation Through Communication: 9 Signs
Don’t answer. The use of sarcasm. Saying you can’t be talked to. Talk to you like you’re a kid. Threatening with ultimatums. The signs of psychological manipulation through communication are as varied as they are exhausting. It is a form of mental exploitation and emotional abuse that we must learn to recognize.
Licio Gelli was one of the most sinister men in Italian history. This grand master of the masonic society Propaganda Due was a neo-fascist who specialized in manipulating the masses. He once said that to control someone, you just need to know how to communicate. He showed that language is a weapon that can be used perversely for domination.
We know this all too well. In politics, in advertising and in that great mass media universe, there is almost a constant use of manipulation to seduce us, influence our decisions and ultimately control us. However, when it comes to personal relationships, things get a little more cryptic and complex.
We are talking about our communication with our family, partner, friends… Psychological and emotional manipulation through language is visible all around us, but is often camouflaged. Perhaps we often use it ourselves. It is therefore essential to know how to recognize it and how to respond to it.
We must understand that it is important not only to be careful about what we say, but also how we say it.
Signs of psychological manipulation through communication
When we talk about manipulation through communication, we are primarily talking about a relationship that is not in balance. It is a relationship in which language is used to benefit. Not only to control the other, but also with the intention of hurting him. Our naked emotions are what produces this secret aggression in us.
Aldous Huxley said words can look like X-rays. When used in a Machiavellian way, they can pierce everything: the other person’s self-esteem, their dignity, and even their identity. So let’s learn to see them coming, to understand a little more about these destructive dynamics on a personal level. Here are 9 signs to watch out for.
1. Twisting the Facts
Any expert in psychological manipulation through communication is a great strategist who twists the truth. One way or another, he will always come out beneficial and not be held responsible for anything. And all the blame? It’s with us. And no matter what we do, the adept manipulator will always exaggerate and withhold important information and cause the balance to tilt to its version of the “truth.”
2. He will tell you you can’t talk
This approach is simple, direct and effective. If someone tells you that “you can’t be talked to,” he’s avoiding exactly what you want to do: talk about the problem. It is therefore very normal to be told by the manipulator that we are too emotional, that we are turning every mosquito into an elephant and that it simply cannot talk to us. However, he accuses us of something he himself suffers from: poor communication skills.
3. Intellectual Harassment
The psychological and emotional manipulator also often uses another very common communication strategy. We are talking about intellectual harassment here. The master of manipulation will pelt us with arguments, information, facts and complicated reasoning to exhaust us emotionally and convince us that he is right.
4. Ultimatums and little time to decide
If you don’t accept what I say, it’s all over. I’ll give you until tomorrow to think about what I’ve said. This kind of communication is undoubtedly very painful and disturbing. It completely traps us, generates fear and causes a lot of emotional distress.
We need to understand that if someone respects us and really loves us, they will never threaten ‘all or nothing.’ It’s just another very common manipulation strategy.
5. Repeating our name during the conversation
Repeating someone’s name continuously and excessively in a conversation is a clever control mechanism. By doing this, we force the other person to pay attention and they will feel intimidated.
6. Irony and glee
Using irony and glee to humiliate and mock the other is one of the most common symptoms of psychological manipulation through communication. The aggressor or manipulator tries to belittle us and try to impose his supposed psychological superiority on us.
7. Using Silence or Avoidance
I do not wanna talk about it. Now is not the right time. Why are you bringing that up now?… This type of communication is very common between partners, especially if one of them lacks communication skills and a sense of responsibility.
8. Keeping the Stupid: “I Don’t Understand What You Mean”
This is a classic tactic. The manipulator pretends not to understand what the other person wants him to say or do. It’s a mean game. He tries to make it seem like the other person is complicating things unnecessarily. As if the conversation is completely pointless. This is a classic strategy of the passive-aggressive manipulator, where he comes under his own responsibility and strives to make the other suffer.
9. He will let you talk first
One of the subtlest signs of psychological manipulation is that one person always lets the other talk first. You achieve several things with this strategy. First, it saves you time to prepare your arguments, second, it gives you the opportunity to discover the other person’s weaknesses.
It is also common for the emotional manipulator, after listening to us, to avoid expressing his own ideas or opinions. He only asks questions, and instead of trying to reach an agreement, he tries to highlight our shortcomings. He conducts the conversation in such a way that we come across as clumsy, weak people.
Finally, while it is true that there are plenty of other communication manipulation strategies, these are undoubtedly the most common. They are forms of intimidation that not only limit the possibility of establishing an effective dialogue, but also serve to subdue and eliminate the other on all levels: personal, emotional and mental. We must therefore learn to recognize these destructive strategies.
