Scared And Confused, But Alive

Most of the things we lose, we lose because of the fear of loss. Sometimes when we look back, we realize that the phases in our lives when everything was calm and controlled were the least memorable. We see that those parts of life where we felt uncontrollable, confused, unstable and in constant change are the ones that were so full of emotion that they come back to us so clearly. Those difficult moments were the moments when we really felt alive.

It seems that in life it is certain that you can spend years without living to the fullest. Then your life will be concentrated in just one moment. It is as if all your dreams, desires, passions and ambitions are concentrated in all their completeness and honesty, in just one second.

The parts of our lives that feel chaotic are the moments when we are put to the test. These moments bring out the best and the worst of our true essence. What they can also hold for each person is a never-ending series of tests and lessons, which create a certain sense of meaning when we finally pass them.

There used to be a heartbreaking confusion, now I miss it

There have been so many times when I have cursed the adversity I went through. But now, with everything feeling slow and unchanging, I realize that simply remembering the rollercoaster of emotions I’ve been through in the past is what brings me back to reality and hope in my present.

It is the hope that one day I will feel the excitement of my emotions again. It is the hope of being brought back to reality. It is the hope that with some certainty the future will be different, that everything will change and that I myself will change too. Not going to get better or worse, just different. What has already passed is gone and we should never try to relive it, but rather live life to the fullest and embrace all its differences.

It is not good to constantly feel nostalgia for something that remains in the past. On the other hand, it’s wonderful to have many different chapters of life, all of which you can feel nostalgia for. That is a sign that you have experienced things worth experiencing, and that your journey through life has meaning.

At the same time, however, it is normal to feel pressure or anxiety when it comes to thinking about the future. There are endless questions we ask ourselves: Do I have the same dream as always? Will I be as strong in the future as I was in the past? Is what awaits me better or less good than what is happening to me now? Sometimes we answer with silence, not really knowing what to say to ourselves.

I want it to stay worth it, I want to keep feeling alive

Undoubtedly, we want everything new in our lives to be exciting and full of hope and make us feel alive. Taking into account all our past experiences, we can come to the realization that each new phase seems to be born from a stagnant moment and in these moments nothing can be predicted. We can take our lives in new directions. This means new challenges, which should never make us feel listless, but rather intrigue us.

If we insist on reliving the nostalgia that floods us from time to time, we can fall into the trap of relentless disenchantment and disappointment. What was new is no longer new. What once made my head spin and gave me energy now seems like an old and colorless landscape. Therefore, we can say that the person who does not take risks does not win; we have to retake these risks very often. We have to take these risks to feel alive and not trapped by our own lives.

However, it’s not always easy to keep going if the path doesn’t make you feel alive or pique your interest. It’s not easy when everything looks like a disappointing replica of everything you’ve already been through. It is not easy when you see comfort in one option and view the other full of doubts and reservations.

So, since it is not always easy to choose the path we want to take, I chose for myself the solution that has never failed me: to follow my instinct and immerse myself in what is unstable but meaningful. Only in this way can I simultaneously dispel my feelings of nostalgia, feel really alive and appreciate my life.

I won’t be afraid of anything; the biggest fear is that everything will stay the same

Here we can apply one of the great conclusions I’ve drawn from everything I’ve been through: you can only learn from what you can confront  and if you can confront fear of loss, you will be able to stop losing things. and to miss.

This does not mean being a wandering, lost soul, with no goals or dreams to achieve. It sometimes means losing yourself to rediscover yourself and your soul. This does not mean that you have to choose one path or the other, but rather the way in which you can decide. Open your eyes to see and your ears to listen. You never know when the world will change its tune.

Be cheeky. Bet with little in your favor…because betting in life sometimes means giving without having any idea what you will receive.  Rediscovering your way in life means knowing how to tolerate uncertainty, walking with your fears and ghosts from the past and your nostalgia. It means knowing how to confront these things and everything that comes your way with the innocence of a child.

Feeling alive again means feeling fear and confusion, but it’s always worth it. Because that’s why we’re here. We are here to live life before it passes us by before we even realize it.