The 4 Principles Of Attraction According To HT Reis

According to the psychologist and professor HT Reis, many studies and literature make it possible to establish four principles of attraction in humans . These principles are similarity, closeness, reciprocity and stress.

The definition of these four principles of attraction is based on a study that focused on interpersonal relationships. Each of the four principles of attraction speaks of a decisive factor.

That plays a role in recognizing another individual as attractive or unattractive. All the principles also show that the mind of the person who puts this label on another person has a greater influence on this process than the actual characteristics of the other person.

The 4 Principles of Attraction

1. Agreement

This principle shows that people are often attracted to those who resemble them. This contradicts the popular idea that opposites attract. Many people believe this. In reality, however, it turns out that people tend to like others who share similar interests, concerns, and motivations.

This principle is based on the work of Donn-Byrne. He defined the so-called law of attraction in 1971. This law states that the greater the number of similar characteristics, the greater the attraction between two people will be.

There are three reasons why similarity is one of the principles of attraction:

• The people who are like us are in a stronger position to value who we are and what we think. That makes for a satisfied feeling.
• Similarities reaffirm our interests and tastes. When we see that more people share our fascinations, we also think they have more validity.
• Agreement simplifies the process of sharing our environment with others. After all, there is no need for conflicts or sacrifices. If one person likes theater and the other likes taking long walks, eventually both will do each activity separately.

Another possibility is that they sacrifice themselves and participate in activities that they do not enjoy, in order to please the other person. However, if their tastes match, then there will be no question of this sacrifice. The individuals will spend more quality time together.

2. Proximity, one of the 4 principles of attraction

The principle of closeness states that we are more likely to develop a friendship or romantic relationship with the people who are close to us. The fact that people share the same environment (real or virtual) not only facilitates the opportunities for interaction. This also often increases mutual sympathy between people. 

In one experiment, the researchers presented photos of unknown people to a group of volunteers. Then they repeated this step twice.

The first time they showed photos of strangers. The second time, however, they presented some of the photos they had already shown during the first performance. At the end of the experiment, the volunteers said that the strangers they saw twice seemed friendlier than the rest.

However, if the contact is extremely frequent or lasts too long, the attraction may work in reverse. The same also occurs when there is initially a feeling of hatred, but the closeness is nevertheless maintained.

3. Reciprocity

Another of the principles of attraction is reciprocity. This shows that we are often more attracted to the people we find approve of us. In other words, we feel more sympathy for those people we feel have sympathy for us.

The reason is that feeling accepted and approved by others brings a sense of greater security, trust and satisfaction. Feeling accepted by others fills us with positive thoughts about ourselves. Therefore, we are also drawn to the source of such feelings.

HT Reis argued that the principle of reciprocity exerts a greater influence than the principle of agreement. In short, we are attracted to people who accept us and treat us with kindness, even if we don’t have similar interests.

4. Stress and Anxiety

This is the most contradictory principle of attraction. According to this principle, people are more likely to be attracted to us when we are in circumstances that cause anxiety and stress.

We give some examples. If a shark suddenly appears while sailing in the ocean, the stress can cause us to draw closer to someone. Suppose we make a parachute jump with someone. Then we will probably like them more over time than before.

It also explains why we seek more social contact in situations where we feel scared or threatened. The company of other people gives us a sense of security. As a result, we ultimately build a positive relationship with those people.

A final note. There is one thing in particular that we need to remember. All these principles talk about attraction but not about affection or love. This means that these factors influence some form of initial harmony with other people. However, they do not determine the quality or depth of a relationship.