Thinking About Yourself Is Not Selfish

When you stop thinking about yourself , people often stop calling you selfish. But what does being selfish actually mean? Perhaps we are using this adjective incorrectly and especially in an unfair way. In this article, we would like to take a moment to consider this word. What are its implications? How can we make time for ourselves without feeling guilty?

Being selfish means thinking about yourself one hundred percent of the time but without regard for others

To understand what it means to be a selfish person, let’s first see what the dictionary says. Selfishness is when a person has an excessively high idea of ​​themselves. This then causes these people to pay a disproportionate amount of attention to their own interests compared to those of others.

We all have our own values ​​and beliefs. They are somewhat fixed. They allow us to interpret and understand the world. This is also where our ideas begin. So it is not uncommon for each person to apply the word “selfishness” based on their experiences and how he or she understands the world. In other words, each person has a different idea of ​​what it means to be selfish.

For some people, being selfish can mean that you’ve never done anything for anyone else. Perhaps you think of someone who refused to please you because they “didn’t have time.” Nevertheless, you were always there for them. In the first case, the definition may be correct. But is it also true in our more specific example?

How do we feel when a person calls us selfish based on one interaction? Moreover, they do not take into account everything they have done for them. Then we feel confused and angry. We know it’s unfair. Before we go further in this article, we want to make this clear. If we didn’t do something for someone when they asked us to, it doesn’t necessarily mean we’re selfish.

Thinking about yourself: we can’t change the way others interpret the world

Here we give you an example of a situation that occurs very often. Someone asks us to do something for him. But the moment he asks, we can’t give him what he needs. Then that person calls us selfish or at least alludes to it.

So we feel terrible. This isn’t just because they just rated us negatively. But it is also because we are at a crossroads of interests. And what has turned out? Our interests turned out to be the least important. Who is acting in a selfish way here? Who thinks only of themselves and not of the rights that we all have as human beings?

Here’s a truth. We don’t have enough resources to try to change another person’s mindset. So we won’t be able to do that either. So what does this mean? If someone interprets our actions as selfish without making an effort to understand our circumstances, then we should ask ourselves two questions:

• Have we empathized with their problem?
• We weren’t able to do what they wanted, when they wanted it. Did we offer an alternative?

If you can answer yes to both questions, always remember this fundamental right: the right to decline a request without feeling guilty about it. Sometimes you just have to think about yourself. In addition, we need to keep something in mind. We make a big mistake when we judge others by behavior and not by their personality. For example, someone may act petty and not be mean, or slip without being clumsy.

Thinking of yourself without being selfish: an example

To understand it better, we give an example. Imagine getting up at the same time every day for weeks on end. You do everything you have to do. At the end of the day you have fulfilled all your work obligations.

Now imagine that you sleep fifteen minutes longer in a day. And for some reason, you didn’t manage to do everything you were supposed to do. At the end of the day, many things remain unfinished.

Are you an irresponsible person? Do you lack self-discipline? No, you just had a bad day. And maybe you acted in an undisciplined and irresponsible way – that one day.

The fact that you have acted in this way does not make you a person of those traits. Even if you’ve acted like this a lot in the past, you may no longer be that type of person. The past is not always a good predictor of the present or the future.

Thinking of yourself: take advantage of the winds that blow in your direction, but don’t let the wind dominate

Do you feel like you don’t have time for yourself? That thinking about yourself is something you don’t get around to? Do things sometimes happen that demand all your attention and distract you from your goals? Are you giving yourself too much to other people? Does it feel like a weather vane at the mercy of the wind? Then you need to learn to save some space for yourself. Learn to think about yourself.

It is true that this is an intricately nuanced subject. That’s also the reason we can’t give you ready-made rules on how to do it. We just want to emphasize how important it is that you work on this. Are you one of those people who was always there for others and forgot about yourself?

Then you should know the following things…

• Change is a process. Changing habits takes time, patience and effort. Most of the time, our habits are linked. If we change one habit, it means we change the parts of the entire chain. For example, when we start to behave more politely, it means that our way of speaking will also change and when we are silent.
• The people around us may not understand the change. If these people are used to you always saying yes, they may be surprised the first time you decline a question. They may even blame you or say you’ve become selfish. At this point, you should not lose sight of what you want for yourself. Change will always provoke resistance, especially if it affects someone else’s comfort.

• Always analyze the situation objectively. Perhaps the question is not urgent or your presence is not necessarily required. Embrace the problem. Suggest an alternative that is more reconcilable with your goal but still helps the other person. Then there’s no reason to feel guilty

Let’s summarize. You can think of yourself and not be selfish if you know how to keep a balance. If you really work on this part of yourself, instead of just focusing on how people talk about selfishness, you will find this balance. Give time and energy to others but also to yourself.